“Heaven Knows”

Perhaps there were other ways of titling this post, but I poured over the idea for the better part of the day without coming up with a viable substitute for this name. The title “Take Me to Church” after the Hozier song just seemed like I would be trying to convert the reader to my personal religious views…at least I thought it did. Famous quotes on religion such as Friedrich Nietzsche sounded a little too nihilistic to accurately portray my thoughts on this matter. As I stated, I am not trying to persuade anyone to think as I do, merely explain the importance, and the dangers of it.
I grew up in a traditional Roman-Catholic Church, with both sets of grandparents devote Christians. Indeed, for most of my adolescence, I went to church and never questioned belief in the traditional Judeo-Christian God. I never questioned faith in something I couldn’t see because I had been told for many years that it was the main truth in the universe. So what changed? 
I got older, and I finally got teachers who didn’t just read to me about Socrates but encouraged me to start questioning authority figures. I began to understand that true wisdom must come from many sources, not just one narrow dogmatic view. I began to look at, not just the plain history of the Catholic church, but also all the atrocities committed in their God’s name. I began to see the true bigotry of those in the church, how its leaders tried to ostracize those who identified as any of the LGBTQ+ community. As much as those same people claimed we are all God’s children and that He has unconditional love for all of us, they apparently didn’t believe that we should afford that same unconditional love to our fellow brethren.
Don’t misinterpret this as that my claiming that I have not attended any religious services since that reckoning. I still attended church services and other religious events to support family members, immediate or otherwise, in their spiritual beliefs. A few months ago, I even attended my brother's wedding, which was a traditional Jewish wedding in the wishes of his now wife’s wishes. On another occasion I even seriously debated getting into a relationship with someone who was a practicing witch. Their name? That’s irrelevant, as is the fact that nothing ever came of this, although their religion played no part in the outcome of that interaction.
I believe organized religion offers some a feeling of belonging and sense of purpose, however it is not without its drawbacks. If there is anything within their specific text that preaches hate, it will always be exploited and used as justification for a religion which idolizes love to start preaching hate. Furthermore, I see it as inevitable that those in positions of power will abuse it if given the chance. A religious leader near where I live recently stepped down from his post as a leader due to the police reopening an incident involving children he was linked to that happened years ago. As long as there are people like that engaging in religious leadership, I refuse to be a part of it.
So we come back to one question which no one may have wanted answered; what are my philosophical beliefs? Earlier I stated that I don’t believe in God in the conventional sense. In a way, I see God as time, but it is more than that; I see a divine path all events must follow. I see God in the mushrooms I see growing out of what seems like nothing. I hear God in the trickling of a stream in the woods. Now, anyone who might know me says I of all people should know that God is more than that because of what happened to me; something countless people have referred to as a miracle, but that is for another blog post. God is not dead, as Nietzsche claimed so long ago, but He is dying. Our world is dying, our empathy for those less fortunate than ourselves is dying, and I don’t know if the remaining ‘faith’ the world has left is enough to save Him.
Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps when I meet my maker, I will hear them rant at me for being a heretic. If caring about those the church would see me turn my back on, then I welcome the title. All the better to distance myself from a group of people with that much of a questionable reputation. But what my philosophical beliefs do encourage me to do is care for those that life has not been kind to here and now. I believe this world would be a much better place if people cared as much about it as they do about its creator.